Tired
:(What an awful way to start a blog post. I just feel horrible, as though nothing in the day has been going right - nothing has, actually. I feel cold and I have a headache and they're really not helping things. I feel like a near-failure. I'm bored of people all people I just feel like running away from everyone and just sleeping on my bed with the cover fully drawn over me. Uhhhh. It just feels so awful! I want to get out of this crazy place and have to do nothing at all!
Self needs encouragement
Is it too much to ask for things to work out? To work out quickly? Or am I just being tested, to see if I'm tenacious, if I can hold on, and to check if I'm the optimistic girl I think I am?
Soon, my dear, it'll all get over soon. Very soon.
2 more days before exams begin....
And this is exactly how the study plan I wrote in my diary 2 minutes back, goes:
CS202:
Watch Orientalism video. (about an hour long speech by some guy)
Orientalism readings.
Read the textbook chapters again.
Oh, you forgot the lecture notes!
*Basically everything needed for the exam.*
CS212:
:O
God save me!!
CS215:
Notes.
Everything.
Again.CS222:
Textbook?! START!!!
+ Notes
Everything forgotten.
MB103:
He he he.
Inime daan start.
And this is how my timetable goes:
17th Apr: CS202
18th Apr: CS215
20th Apr: CS215
21st Apr: CS 212
03rd May: MB 103
Really, God save me.
*Whew, better.*
Totally random
Positively irritated.
With people, things, days and of course, myself. Wish I could shut up more than I currently do.
Wish I actually study. Instead of wasting time. And take more care, instead of being the ever-so-clumsy me. Ughhh!!!
God save me.
Oh yeah, the others too.
Why conform?
Yes...why should one conform to the society?
Maybe so that there's no confusion.
What if my not being conformed causes no problem to anything,
anything in the society?
I often wonder why I should do something because
everyone does it? First thing is how it could be everyone if I'm not part of it :) But silly thoughts aside, why, if my being different causes no problem to anyone?
It's crazy. That
everyone cries for movies,
everyone likes rock, this that. Everyone doing something doesn't mean it is universal. So what if I don't cry when I watch movies? I think it's utterly stupid to get emotional for something that is false, fictitious. I can't. That I don't cry is no testimony to the fact that I'm someone emotionless. It's just that it takes different things to dig deep into my emotions and make them come out.
And what with music.
Everyone likes rock. Or that rock is the music of the elite, those who like rock are the 'real' music fans, they're in the high strata. What rubbish! Who is anyone to even comment on any of my music tastes?! My music is my own. It's for me, my pleasure, my sadness, my companion. Not listening to any particular msuic doesn't make me any less of a music fan than anyone else.
The reason 'everyone does it' to get me doing something is the most irritating one I can ever get. Surprisingly to myself now, I used to give that reason at least five years back, telling my mother I want something because 'everyone else' has it. It irritates me to no extent these days, that the best I can do to stop myself from yelling is to shut up. My individualism has grown to such a great extent now that I'm actually scared. Scared that I'll displease some who matter the most to me. My 'I don't care' attitude is nearing levels it has never seen before, but this doesn't scare me. I know that I don't care only about things that are not of great consequence to me; things which, if absent, do not cause a great loss to me. Nowadays, my attitude has become one of 'If you think it's right, if you want, do it' I don't know if it's right or wrong, but again, who makes the right or wrong? Why should anyone conform to the society's right or wrong? Ultimately it all seems to boil down to the if-you-care concept. If you care about what society thinks about you, stop. If only your near and dear matter to you and they disapprove, stop too. If you don't really care about nothing, just go ahead. And this principle is damn exciting to live by!
I'm not completely an individual for whom other opinions have stopped to matter; it'll take ages for me to get to that stage, because there are a number of people that I always want to please, the people whose approval I want for everything I do in life.
For the others, I don't care. Don't expect me to do something because
everyone does it.
P.S.: Dusting up this blog after ages. :)
Disaster time
So long since I posted in this blog; felt like I was neglecting it badly! Here comes a post after more than a month, at a time when exams are beginning and everyone's busy studying (and me whiling away my time!).
It's seriously disaster time all over the world. Things have not been good in India too. Starting from the tsunami last year till the latest floods in and around Tamil Nadu, India has been bearing the brunt of loss and destruction.
And boy, it's raining in Chennai. Pretty amusing that the rains have now gone to such an extent that people are wishing it stops. I can only recall how even this May, everyone around was cursing the city for it's hot weather and no water, wishing it would just rain cats and dogs. And when that does happen, there's no guessing how put off people are by the fact that this rain forces them to remain indoors most of the time.
The first thing I asked when my mom said it was raining back home was "Happy now, there's so much water around?"
"Hmm, yeah...." came the reply. I could see she was wishing there wasn't so much water around in the main roads! I was just thinking about what I used to do if it rained during school; while fervently praying that the school would declare it a holiday, I hated the very fact that I had to stay at home with the fans on at full speed to get the damp clothes drying, with lights on most of the time, and me trying hard to get some Chemistry equations into my head. What was the worse was thinking about how I would
have to get back to school the next day.
Are we just unsatisfied souls who always find grass on the other side green?
One Sad Story
There was this angelic girl who was not
that forgetful. She always tried to be optimistic. But somehow she felt that God kept taunting her to see how much she stuck to life and her ways of looking at life.
Well, you must have guessed by now that this angelic lil' girl is none other than yours truly. Try as hard as I might to grit my teeth and smile at every mishap, things just seem to go wrong at every turn. They're not
huge things, thank God, but those minor, little things which are highly capable of putting you off.
Keys and I have never had a proper relationship, I guess: read
this and
this, for ways in which keys have recently given me slight traumas. And now they're back again.
My keys are lost! :(
It's amazing how I can lose them so near my room. I got into my room and went straight to crash. I woke up to realise I don't have my keys. Whether I left them in the keyhole or left them elsewhere, is a mystery.
I have turned almost the whole room inside out to search for the keys; no luck.
And here I am, waiting for a brilliant flash of luck to strike tomorrow in the form of the good old ladies who clean the hostel, or some good soul who returns them to the hostel office (who, hopefully, should contact me and give them back). Maybe, heights of optimism.
In the event it doesn't happen (which, I pray and hope, is
not the case!) I have to think of other means.
Ugh....need some strong pills of optimism!!
